Fries With Mayo

Sometimes, you leap out of bed in the morning, everything goes your way, and the sun is shining.  You feel an overwhelming sense of optimism and practically make everyone around you throw up a little in their mouths because you're so flipping happy. I know you will be saddened to know this was not one of those days.  In fact, it was like every living being in this house decided to gang up against me with body fluids and then laughed as I tried contain the deluge. DS and I were playing with elastics and carabiners... much more fun than all them fancy toys... when from the depths of the litter box came a strange and sinister sound.   I leapt  to my feet, all sorts of 40-year-old, ninja-like grace about me, and dashed to the bathroom to see what was going on. Usually, I leave a baby gate across the bathroom door, for reasons obvious only to someone who has a dog and or a toddler.  Of course, I'd forgotten to gate the door... Also of course, my dear dog had m...

They say the truth comes from the mouth of babes.  This may be true, except that sometimes, lies also come out of the mouths of babes, and then everyone's so busy believing trite platitudes about the truth that they assume the lies are truths and awkward awkwardness ensues. This came to play the other day (and several times since) when I went to the wonderful world that is Walmart.  Dear Sweet Son was in the cart, charming people with his winning smile as usual, trying to grab energy shots (which we know toddlers need quite much) off the shelves of the checkout line. As we got the the cashier, DSS decided to woo two middle-aged female employees with his great charms.  They succumbed instantly and began cooing over him in broken English (and I say this with love, as someone who spoke broken English for quite some time), patting his bare feet (bare due to the bizarre toddler need to instantly remove all footwear), and patting his adorable buzzcut.  He smiled his sm...

Conversations with my toddler (B's side approximated by translation)... B: I would like some tea, Mummy dearest. M: No you don't. You don't like tea. B: I want tea. M: Are you sure? B: I'm sure. Brew me some, please. M (brews some tea, adds honey, turns it into a cooler temp, puts in sippy cup, presents to B) B (with a dismissive wave): No, no. I don't like tea. ...............(elapsed time).............. B: Banana, please, darling mother. M: You'd like a banana! Let me get you one! Would you like it peeled or to eat it like a monkey? B: Monkey-style, dearest mum. That sounds like the most fun! M: Here you go! B (takes one bite): Here, Mummy. Here's a banana I got for you! M: I don't want a banana right now. That one's yours. B (peels down the banana till the top of it flops over and lands in a pile of cat hair): Oopsies. Your banana fell, Mumsy. M (picking up the hairy banana chunk): OK. We're j...