Fries With Mayo

Most nights of the week, I take care of my neighbor's puggle.  It's a nice arrangement: I take out the puggle when neighbor's at work, neighbor takes out the HyperHund while I'm at work.  We have a deep and meaningful relationship. If you are not familiar with puggles, you are missing out.   Puggles are touted as expensive "hybrid" dogs, which makes them sound like they run on bio-fuel (which, if you count goose poop as bio-fuel, they do), but it really means they are mixes of two dogs who should never ever be allowed to suggestively bat their eyelashes at each other. Don't get me wrong... the puggle is great.  But a puggle is the result of a carefully-thought out planned mating between a dog whose main goal in life is to sit on laps, snort and eat (pug) to a dog whose main goal in life is to sniff things and then see if they fit in his mouth (beagle).   The result is a cute, floppy eared dog that sometimes snores, spends a lot of its...

You know how you see those bored housewife type characters in t.v. shows, and they're always reading trashy romance novels or watching soap operas? That's me, except that instead of soaps or romance novels, I faithfully read the Craig's List pet section every day, several times a day.  Why?  I'm not sure.  I already have two cats and a dog.  Getting another dog would effectively reduce the chance of my ever getting married to about .5% while raising my chances of becoming a dog soccer mom to 99.9%. While occasionally I do come across some awesome English Shepherd dogs, I have found that most people breeding dogs and selling the pups have awesome creative writing skills.  This leads to some fabulous ads, of which I will now share the highlights. (Please go to the bottom if you cannot decode these.*) Gotti Line Blue Baby Pet Bulls : $400.  Excellent with kids, dogs, and other animals.  Very playful. Purebred Sharpies : $250.  Super cute and ...

When I was in second grade, I had a friend I'll call Jack.  We girls all thought Jack was pretty super cool because he didn't think we were gross and also, he liked to play Barbies with us instead of playing basketball with the boys.  Nothing is cooler when you're seven than a boy who will play Barbies with you. Jack and I became good friends because of my awesome collection of Barbies, comprising several of my mom's old dolls from the 60s.  I also had some pretty sweet Barbie furniture , including a swell potty-chair for the baby Barbies, so Jack and I became inseparable.  When I look back on this, I feel a bit used. Nevertheless, Jack would come over regularly, and my mom would even let us play Barbies in my room. I will never forget the day Things Changed.  I was in the midst of dressing Ken in his pastel blue shirt and matching pink tie, when Jack, who was busily undressing Barbie, gave me a conspiratorial look. "Do you know where babies come fro...